Why Do I Keep Burning Out at Work? 8 Things I Could Never Tolerate About Employee Life

If You've Burned Out More Than Once...

If you've burned out from jobs multiple times, this blog is for you.

I'm talking to the people who have landed in positions that truly felt aligned - the mission, the people and your skill sets all matched well. And yet, after a certain amount of time, you still burned out and had to leave.

I repeated this pattern several times.

I would find an aligned place of work, settle into a role, do really well for a couple of years, and then eventually I would hit a wall. Yes, I knew I was overriding some things at work, pushing natural stopping points, but I would hit a point where my nervous system would shut down and say no more.

And then I'd have to leave.

It Wasn't the Work. It Was My Nervous System.

It was so frustrating because, being in your 30s, you want to find a place where you can do well and stay for awhile and focus on other things in your life like building financial security, hobbies, etc. and not have to be back in the job hunt at age 35 because you couldn't hack your previous workspace.

It sucked to be in and out of jobs every few years, even though from the outside I excelled in every position I held. My employers were always sad to see me go, and I was the one left wondering why I couldn't seem to handle what everyone else appeared to manage just fine. I felt like the odd one out, someone who couldn't tolerate a normal job while also consistently doing excellent work. It was a strange paradox to live in.

Looking back, I see that it was not that the positions were not aligned for me or that anything was wrong with me. It all pointed back to my highly sensitive nervous system - my system could not tolerate a traditional work environment or various aspects of being an employee for an extended amount of time.

Aspects of both would grate on me over time, my system would override for awhile to tolerate the job and push through, however, as a baseline, it was clearly low level dysregulation on a daily basis for me to survive these places. Not because anything was terribly toxic or bad there, just simply to my nervous system, it was all too stimulating.

Then, after a certain amount of time, the override function would fail and I would just collapse completely and then have to leave because I literally could not function anymore. It usually happened very quickly and I typically had no job lined up when I left these places. For me, it was survival - I had to not return in order to breathe. This is what it felt like.

Looking back now, I can clearly see that there were certain parts of employee life that slowly wore my nervous system down, regardless of how much I loved the mission, the people or the work itself. I learned that it was not the company or business or boss at fault in any of these situations. 

It was simply the structure of the traditional 9-5 and aspects of employee status that my system could not tolerate for much longer than a few years. I was constantly dysregulated on a low-level and over time, this would burn me out.

These are the eight things I slowly realized I could never tolerate long term.

1. Environmental Overstimulation

This is probably one of the most consistently challenging things I have to manage as a HSP, and why deciding to work from home has been a huge game changer in my ability to sustain a role. Environments that have a lot of ambient noise, music, conversations, harsh lighting, open office plans are all very jarring to my system. In my jobs as a teacher and as a front desk manager, I was dealing with phones, peopleing, noise, interruptions for 6-8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I still don’t know how I managed that with a smile on my face!

2. Being "On" All Day

If you met me today 1:1, you’d probably think I was great at peopleing! Because I can be in small doses and that’s what can be confusing. I am a great front desk person and great in a room of kids, but I cannot sustain that role. Eventually, I override my need to turn it off and if I do that for too long, I burn out.

I learned that I only have so much social juice and I prefer to save that juice for my personal relationships and personal life, not my workplace. So working from home now, having very few face to face meetings, I reserve my best energy for my personal relationships and can show up fully to them instead of not having energy to maintain them.

I feel so much more regulated, calm and happy working from home than I ever did having to be in a school or office all day.

Reason #85945 why the decision to work from home was a game changer for me! I save so much energy not having to people all day at a job!!

3. Having My Schedule Dictated

This is probably a little PTSD from the convent, where our life was strictly managed by an hourly schedule from the moment we awoke till the moment we went to sleep, all marked by the sound of a bell - showers, meals, work and break time included. But, no matter the reason, over the years I ended up loathing having to be at a building by a certain time, having to eat during a specific lunch break and generally not having any breathing room during my shift. Especially in a school where breaks between classes were only like 6 minutes, that was annoying. I hate feeling rushed for anything and that really grated on me. I actually developed a lot of anxiety around using the bathroom at school and it caused me to have stomach issues for awhile, I saw a gastro and everything! That was an early sign that the “scheduled life” was not for me, but I still stayed there for another few years.

Working for myself and from home, I get to make my own schedule, start my day when I want to and end it when I need to.

Just writing that sentence gave my body an exhale, that’s how supportive it has been.

4. High Urgency and Rush Periods

This was a big one for me.

Less so in the school setting, moreso in the food industry and at a front desk role - high traffic, high demand, overstimulating periods or moments would utterly collapse me. I am the type of person who freezes when overwhelmed. It’s like my brain stops functioning and I am paralyzed. So when the lunch rush happens or there’s someone at the front desk with a complicated issue, a line is forming, people are getting impatient and watching my every move, and the phone is ringing - I first just stop functioning and then second, I need to flee the scene.

It’s too overstimulating for my system. I hate being watched in anything, so I needed to remove myself from roles where that could happen on a regular basis. Teaching was different - it wasn’t an urgent situation or feeling, like the others were. It had a different dynamic, but it was still hard in its own ways.

5. Having More and More Added to My Plate, Without Choice or Compensation

This also happened in the convent way too much, which is probably why I am very sensitive to it, but I also think it happens everywhere and people are not sensitive enough to it! I noticed each year in the catholic school where I worked, they would ask just a little bit more of you without asking - each teacher needed to cover one more recess, or was in charge of one more thing each year. No one got asked, it was just mandated into our schedules.

It was essentially scope creep - with no choice and no compensation for the extra responsibilities.

Same in the non-profit world. I get that these places are trying to stay in the green, but it’s not okay if your way of doing that is that your employees all do 7 jobs, absorb roles of people who left and never get compensated for it. In the non profit, we all took on many roles that were outside of our scope, without really being asked about our bandwidth and definitely without being compensated for the added responsibility.

In the convent was no different. Unless we had a real disability - physical or mental - you couldn’t say no to something that was asked of you. You just couldn’t. So you absorbed the added role, responsibility, work into your schedule, your mental space and your emotional world as best you could. With no compensation of any kind of course. I always call my time in the convent energetic violation because it feels like they siphoned all my energy reserve from my capable self, without giving me any support or way to replenish my reserves.

Needless to say, another reason why working for myself and creating my own scopes and boundaries has been very healing for me.

6. Knowing I Could Do the Same Types of Work for Higher Pay if I Worked for Myself

This one has moved the needle for me more than once.

Even in W2 roles such as a Manager or an Executive Assistant, I knew I could use those same skills, go out and do it on my own and easily charge more.

So that’s what I did.

When I was at the front desk of the non profit arts center, I was making around $14/15 per hour. When I left to work as a VA for myself, I began at $20/hour and it’s only gone up from there. Same with when I was an EA - I left and began charging almost $10 more per hour and up it went. Today, I charge between $40-42/hour for my VA services, which are generally less intense and less responsibility than when I was an EA.

So I do lighter work for more pay.

Yes, I have to pay self-employment tax and quarterly taxes, so what I charge is not what I bring home. But to me, it’s still worth it. I feel free and so much more compensated charging what I’m worth vs. getting a paycheck that always feels less than it should be.

[Now, I know people will say "but insurance and benefits." Insurance & retirement are things everyone has to navigate differently. Personally, I've always found workable options through the marketplace and have my own retirement things growing, and for me, the increased freedom has been worth figuring that piece out.]

7. Tracking Time for Someone Else

8. Being a Warm Body in a Seat

I am putting these two together because they are linked.

Whether I was in a 9-5 or in my part-time role where I had to hit 25 hours (this was the minimum needed to be technically "full time" and receive the health benefits), I often felt annoyed because I was done the most essential work and still had to be there as a warm body and find something to keep me busy to complete my contracted time. It was a frustrating waste of time to me and I wished that I could just clock out when I felt like I had reached a good stopping point. Every Friday, it felt like a reach to find another 4-5 hours of work just to hit my 25 hours per week. This is the struggle of every efficient worker! You work so well and fast and what’s your reward? Find more to fill your hours. It’s so dumb!

I think many of us could get done in 3-5 hours what is required to be completed in an 8-hour shift.

It’s such a sham, the 9-5 structure - a waste of warm bodies just sitting there for no reason looking busy.

Let us do our work and be done for the day, shall we?

Linked to this, I hate tracking time for an employer on a time sheet. I find the admin of it to be obnoxious and it feels micro-managey. Even though, as a self-employed person, I track my time and tasks daily for myself and for invoicing purposes, it doesn’t bother me in the way it bothered me to have to track time as an employee! Funny, right?! I think it’s because I know I’m doing it freely for myself vs. the mandatory obligation as an employee. To me, that’s a huge difference!

So, being my own boss alleviates both of these annoyances: I get to stop for the day whenever I need to and I don’t have to log hours for any of my clients!

If This Resonates With You...

If any or most of these points are also things about employee life that you loathe, I have a few things to say:

First, you would do well to look into being an HSP and autistic. I know some of these points for me are directly related to those aspects of myself and it’s helpful to have that self-understanding. You can take the HSP test here.

Secondly, you would also do well to begin looking into alternatives to the traditional 9-5 for your long-term work situation. It’s likely you will continue to either burn out or be very unhappy in your employee jobs if you remain in the machine. You can start small. Just begin a side gig and grow it out! That’s what I did in a few areas and it gave me the freedom I desired.

Work With Me: Business Mentor Chats

If you’ve read this far, you’re likely pondering leaving the 9-5 world at some point and going out on your own, so that your work situation can feel better.

If you’re wanting to start or grow a business or service-based side gig in a way that actually fits you, I offer 1:1 Business Mentor Chatsthrough voice notes or video calls. You can share where you’re at, ask your questions, and get grounded support on how to move forward in a way that feels clear and sustainable.

Whether you’re just getting started or refining an existing business, we can work through your next steps together and focus on building something that supports your capacity, not overrides it.

Learn more about Business Mentor Chats here.